I am back from vacation and during that otherwise marvelous trip, I saw two comedians perform who used the most incredibly old-fashioned sexist humor that you can imagine. My husband and I actually walked out of one show when it began with a joke about the comedian’s mother’s t%ts and quickly went downhill from there. The other comedian, who was billed as performing “observational humor,” was less lowbrow but insulting to women nonetheless. It was not that his observations about the differences between women and men were totally off base; rather it was the way he spoke in a high-pitched, nagging voice when mimicking his wife or other women. While men didn’t fare much better, being portrayed as laughable boobs, “momma” was a highly organized, humorless scold, bent on keeping her husband in line (read: not having any fun).
These are not the women I know and work with, and frankly most of the men I hang out with aren’t quite so feckless. And yet the audience laughed (women included), while I sat with my jaw in my lap.
Don’t get me wrong, I am a huge fan of a good laugh but why does so much humor have to be at someone’s (often women’s) expense? And why are we laughing at humor that perpetuates old stereotypes like the nagging wife or over-involved mother-in-law? Could it be that much of the audience response was the nervous laughter of women and progressive men who did not know how to respond otherwise without appearing humorless?
Sound familiar? You bet it does. The greatest challenge we face with regard to stopping sexist remarks is our inability to challenge the status quo. While we know that tolerating sexist remarks isn’t helpful in changing the culture, we often endure those comments (teeth clenched) in myriad settings, and it is time to figure out why.
I suspect that it would be easier to routinely stand up to sexist remarks if we were certain that we had the immediate and unwavering support of colleagues and friends (or for that matter, any intelligent stranger happening by), policymakers, and cultural leaders. So why haven’t more of us banded together to challenge the all-too-prevalent use of language that demeans women?
If you are reading this post, it is likely that you care about stopping sexist remarks. So you tell us—how do we begin to create a network of people who will speak up when sexist remarks are made? What can we do to convince everyone of the need to take the impact of sexist remarks more seriously?
Send us your ideas, and we will share those on this site. Then take action to ensure that stopping sexist remarks is on the radar of those with the power to support positive change. For example, you might write to Valerie Jarrett, who is heading the White House Council on Women and Girls, to encourage her to address the effects of sexist language on women and girls are in this country. Or contact Terry O’Neill, the new President of the National Organization for Women (NOW) or your local NOW chapter leaders and ask them to focus on stopping language that undermines women’s power and potential. You also might reach out to leaders at your local schools and universities and community and religious institutions to ask them to create policies for eliminating the use of sexist remarks in their arenas.
Keep us posted on what you do to create your own local network for stopping sexist remarks and the responses that you receive from national organizations—because we have a much better chance of challenging the status quo if we join together to do so.
Cynthia
