Lindsey from the blog “Starting Out in Your 20s and Beyond” had an interesting post recently about an issue that we took on last year: how to respond when a person about to make a sexist remark announces in advance what they’are going to do. This takes forms like “Some of you women are going to find this sexist. . .,” “I’m not trying to be sexist but . . .,” or “Ok, I’m going to say something sexist but . . .” That introduction is designed to shift the burden from the speaker to the listeners: if they find what is said offensive, the problem is theirs, not the speaker’s.
Lindsey suggests that when someone says “I know I shouldn’t say this, but . . .,” we might just interrupt to say, “Then I don’t want to hear it. No, really, if it’s going to make me mad, don’t say it.” Another response might be “Since you recognize that what you’re going to say might be offensive, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t say it.” Both of those approaches are in keeping with Cynthia’s suggestion two weeks ago that when confronted with sexist comments, we might just nicely tell people what we want.
Those statements quickly shift responsibility right back to the speaker where it belongs. As Lindsey says about people who make these remarks, “They know better than that; they admitted it themselves.” By speaking up, you are giving them the chance to stop long enough to choose their better selves.
Steve
