Surely there must be some aspect of American culture unaffected by our unease with people who blur traditional gender roles. Let’s say . . . your choice of mixed drinks—what could that have to do with gender?
A lot, unfortunately, it turns out.
According to an article in online entertainment magazine The Insider, in a man’s mixed drink, “You can’t have anything that looks even remotely pastel or pink,” sugar and syrup “have absolutely no place in a man’s drink,” and “manly drinks” don’t come with straws or maraschino cherries, ever. The blog “Man’s Take” shares these pearls: “if the drink is made with grain alcohol, it’s manly” and “you can turn a Black Russian into a White Russian by adding some milk, but . . . then you’d be a drinking a girly drink instead of a manly drink.” Perhaps worst, former Cosmopolitan fashion editor-turned-bartender Ty Wenzel, in her 2004 memoir Behind Bars, chronicles her attitudes toward men who dared order gender-bender drinks. “There is nothing quite so disheartening for me as to see a rugged hulky man swagger in, take a seat, and grab the girly-drink menu.” After delivering a “girly” cocktail to one male customer, Wenzel “made it known to him that I have no regard for him as a man.”
How do we say no to the gender role police who are watching what we drink? The best policy, if someone comments on how your mixed-drink choice relates to your gender, seems to be to take the remark as seriously as it is meant—not as a joke. As trivial as they appear, commentaries like, “Wow, a guy drinking a margarita, that’s a new one,” and “That pina colada’s going to affect your testosterone” are meant to limit our freedom to stray beyond traditional gender roles and to remind us that our fitness as a member of our gender is continually being assessed.
So if these asides arise, you can smile and ask, “Why?” or “What do you mean by that?” or “Do you really think that?” With any luck, you’ll get to some better understanding of the source of the other person’s stereotype, and they will learn more about your determination not to be hemmed in by sexist boundaries. Or, if you’re really not in the mood, “Geez, what century do you live in?” might do too.
After all, if Jimmy Buffett can take a trip to Margaritaville, then so can the rest of us men (minus the wasting away).
Steve
