A few weeks ago, over at the British blog “Mumsnet: For Parents by Parents,” Tabouleh shared this story about what happened when she addressed a sexist joke made by a leader of her professional society during his speech to members. We encourage you read her account—it’s an example of the good things that can come from addressing a sexist remark.
A few things stand out about the story. Tabouleh’s response to the remark at a followup meeting had three key elements:
First, she said that she found the joke inappropriate for our current time and especially coming from someone in an official capacity.
Second, she appealed to the better side of the leader by telling him that she knows that he supports women in her field.
Third, she explained why sexist remarks matter (language shapes behavior).
It turned out that others who heard the joke had also found it sexist and inappropriate but didn’t say anything (we wrote about this phenomenon here). In fact, after Tabouleh challenged the leader about the joke, he tried to undermine her with another sexist comment but was shouted down by his male colleagues.
By challenging a sexist remark that took place in a public setting, Tabouleh raised the bar for men in that organization. Key members are now on notice that there is no support (at least not publicly) for sexist jokes and remarks—they do not fit within the organizational culture. I second the respondent to her post who wished she could give Tabouleh a medal for “extreme courage.” Tabouleh went for it (her words) and changed her corner of the world for the better as a result.
One more thing—we were encouraged to hear that she was inspired to take action because of this blog. Thanks to those of you who participate by sending your comments and helping to make this a place to get support and ideas.
Steve
Wow! Thanks for finding and featuring my story! I didn’t think to send it in to you. I just recommended your blog again over on the Mumsnet Feminist section and someone bumped the thread and said they’d found the link on here. I like your analysis of what I did – the 1,2,3 – I guess it is an easy template to memorise.