Answering Tough Questions About Sexist Remarks
When we first started talking about how to stop sexist comments, we had more questions than answers about how people can respond effectively to those during everyday conversations. How do you deal with sexist remarks in a way that leaves you feeling good about yourself and comfortable with how others reacted to your response? How do you know when to respond and when to let things slide?
We have provided some initial answers to those and the other questions below—offering at least our experiences and perspectives. We encourage you to add your answers under each question so that others will be able to benefit from your experience.
Not ready to post an answer? Need a little more guidance? Check out our ideas in Learning to Respond to Sexist Remarks: Getting Started.
- How do you deal with sexist remarks in a way that leaves you feeling good about yourself and comfortable with how others reacted to your response?
Cynthia and Steve’s responses
What do you suggest? Post an answer - How do you know when to respond to sexist remarks and when to let things slide?
Steve and Cynthia’s responses
What do you suggest? Post an answer - How did you get started addressing sexism in everyday situations? Describe the type of situations in which you first began dealing with sexist remarks (for example, with longtime friends or with strangers with whom you would not need to interact again), and what made it possible for you to begin to do so in other circumstances?
Cynthia and Steve’s responses
What do you suggest? Post an answer - How should women and men prepare themselves to address sexist comments?
Steve and Cynthia’s responses
What do you suggest? Post an answer - What was the most challenging situation you faced as a recipient of a sexist comment, and how did you respond?
Cynthia and Steve’s responses
What do you suggest? Post an answer - Has your response to a sexist remark ever backfired? How did you deal with your feelings (embarrassment, anger, hurt), and what did you do to repair the situation (for example, mending a friendship)?
Steve and Cynthia’s responses
What do you suggest? Post an answer - Did another woman or man effectively intervene on your behalf when someone made a sexist remark to you? What did they do, how did you feel, and how did others respond?
Cynthia and Steve’s responses
What do you suggest? Post an answer - Have you ever responded to a sexist remark and the person who made the remark (nicely and genuinely) suggested a better way for you to do that in the future? What did you learn?
Steve and Cynthia’s responses
What do you suggest? Post an answer - Did you ever deal with a sexist remark so effectively that everyone walked away having learned something and feeling good? What did you do, and how did others respond?
Cynthia and Steve’s responses
What do you suggest? Post an answer - How can men best support women when they are responding to sexist remarks? When should they respond on a woman’s behalf, and how can they be effective in doing so?
Steve and Cynthia’s responses
Post an answer - Have you ever supported a woman who was the target of a sexist remark who then—because of her own discomfort—attempted to repudiate your help or became distant with you afterward? How did you respond in that situation, and what did you do to smooth the relationship?
Cynthia and Steve’s responses
Post an answer - How can women (and men) band together in the workplace to begin to temper/dilute a culture in which sexist remarks are condoned or ignored? Post an answer
- Have you lost professional relationships that were important to you because you dealt with sexist remarks directly? What can people do to protect their careers when standing up for themselves or others in stopping sexist remarks? Post an answer
- How do you deal with the most subtle types of sexism, for example, comments masked as compliments but clearly designed (whether consciously or not) to make women uncomfortable? Post an answer
- How do you respond when after addressing a sexist remark, someone says “lighten up” or “don’t be so sensitive”—and all the variations used in “teasing situations” that are designed to be demeaning? Post an answer
- What research has been done on the effects of sexist remarks on women or the outcomes for women (or men) when they effectively respond to sexist remarks? Post an answer
- What other types of research or policy initiatives might support efforts to end sexist remarks against women? Post an answer
- How are you taking action to stop sexist remarks? Post an answer
