Stop Sexist Remarks

No matter how busy you are, you can help change how we talk about women and girls in our culture. Below are three simple things that you can do now to help stop sexist remarks: 

1. Change your own behavior. Listen to how you think and speak about women and men—pay attention to the times when you find yourself thinking or saying, “Oh that’s just like a woman (or a man),” or any variation on that theme. You might be surprised how often each of us actually thinks or makes statements about women and men that are based on old values that do not reflect our desire to create a culture of gender equality. Begin to filter out thoughts and stop using phrases that are not based on fact and do not promote gender equality. 
2. Talk with your family about sexist remarks. Select a time to talk about the importance of stopping sexist remarks—whether it is in response to something you hear on television or to a sexist comment made in front of your children. Use these times to help your family define how they feel about gender equality and the role they want to play in promoting it during everyday conversations. 
3. Talk about the need to stop sexist remarks in the culture with someone new whenever an appropriate opportunity presents itself. Decide this year to talk to your friends, neighbors, and colleagues about the need to respond to sexist remarks in your daily lives. When a sexist comment is made, whether on the news, in the cul-de-sac, or at a local sporting event, choose one of the other people involved to discuss what happened, how you felt about it, and why it would be helpful to begin to jointly respond to sexist comments. Be sure to try this in environments that are appropriate (safe) for you and with people you believe would be interested and supportive. Begin building coalitions in your life for addressing remarks that diminish women.

What a week!! On January 20, 2009, Barack Obama was sworn in as the 44^th U.S. President, bringing new hope to Americans and people around the world. The image of the new President and his strong and vibrant wife (and partner) Michelle holding hands along the Inaugural parade route moves us forward on racial and gender equality in ways that no public policy initiative or working group could ever do. Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words. 

Then on January 21, Senator Hillary Clinton was confirmed as Secretary of State. What a wonderful voice she will be for women here and across the globe. President Obama’s appointment of Clinton reaffirms the message that smart, powerful men need not fear smart, powerful women—they should join with them to build stronger nations, communities, and families. 

This blog exists in no small measure because of Clinton. It was the dispiriting level of sexist commentary during her campaign for the Democratic nomination that led Steve and I to begin discussing the prevalence of sexist remarks in our culture. I didn’t want to allow this moment to pass without a tip of the hat to her. Clinton’s perseverance in the face of the horrifically sexist things said about her is a testament to her strength and to her desire to serve this country. 

Moreover, her campaign opened the eyes of many of us who had quite wrongly assumed that sexist remarks (at least those spoken openly) had gone the way of racist comments. Initially, we were aghast; we wrote letters to the media (often the worst offenders) and commiserated with one another. With a new administration in power, we now have the opportunity to put an end to sexist comments in public forums and to further educate our citizens about the need to do so in more private settings. What we choose to do going forward matters. 

I have read that Secretary Clinton has a favorite expression about making the most of whatever life hands you: “Bloom where you are planted.” In other words, wherever you land in life, find a way to thrive and grow and to focus on your passion. 

It is an important message for everyone but most especially for women who can feel victimized by a culture that so often places less value on their contributions. It is about hope and a way to go on that is beyond mere survival—it is about living life to the fullest, no matter what. 

So, in 2009, Steve and I hope that you will bloom where you are planted. Discover your passion, wherever life has led you so far, and create a new pathway forward. Our new Secretary of State will no doubt do the same, working in tandem with our new President to light the way for all of us. 

Cynthia