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Good site, admin.
love your blog. I just started a blog on “Raising Feminist Daughters” so feel free to check it out, comment and contribute. I’ll be mentioning your blog on mine.
http://www.raisingfeministdaughters.blogspot.com/
I’d love to hear any suggestions about dealing with a neighbor who apparently makes a habit of uttering sexists remarks. We were recently at his house for a cookout. His wife mentioned that she has a paid position and worked from home while also functioning as a stay-at-home mom. Instead of praising her efforts for what is sure to be a very busy lifestyle, he said, “don’t let her fool you, she only works about 2 maybe 3 hours per day. She really doesn’t do that much.” I was horrified and could clearly see the hurt on her face. Later in the conversation, I mentioned something about eventually going back to school to finish my Ph.D. He said to my husband, in a very mocking tone, “Sure, YOU stay home with the kids while SHE goes back to school.” Perhaps the fact that I am female means that my education was not worth investing in? I am kicking myself for not standing up to him, but I think the reason why I didn’t was because I really didn’t expect to hear such blatant sexist comments. The comment didn’t even fully register in my mind until it was too late to say anything. Most educated people that I know are at least a little more discrete or have a little more sense than this. I continue to be disgusted by his attitude. Does anyone out there have suggestions on how to address this? I don’t have plans to spend more time with this neighbor, but if he ever makes a similar comment, I want to be armed with a response that will put this to a stop (at least around me). I won’t put up with this!
As a feminist, I definitely see the reasoning to focus on women’s rights within feminism. When looking at schools however, especially before year 8 (UK) I actually think it would be more helpful to look at it both ways. This is not because the results of sexism do not still oppress women under men, and girls under boys, but because they are still mouldable minds, and comments from teachers and other students at that age, before they have pre-conceptions, can seem to take just as many opportunities away from boys.
This is the time when boys will be much more ridiculed for doing something “feminine” or “girly” than the other way around. They will be taught to be tough, not express feelings, and to reject the feminine. It will tell them what hobbies to take up, what clothes to wear, what colours to like, probably even which animals to prefer. This is the teaching, which if not nipped in the bud, will create boys and men who look down on feminine activities, and females in general, as inferior, laughable, and perhaps even something to be resented.
Before you get to the age where most girls feel like they don’t have any expectations (except of good and quiet behaviour ofc), and feel the damage of that, boys have already usually had expectation pushed on them; perhaps not academically, but to be good at sports, and not to cry, and to get attention by being cheeky if they aren’t getting more than the girls.
Both comments on the front page blogs are from mothers of boys. Perhaps it is more noticeable to people this way around, or perhaps at this age, it is just as much of a problem. Boys who accept these ideals will have to watch media about how they are the stupid football mad beer swilling asshole who doesn’t know to put a lid on a blender. This means women should look after them. So basically in conclusion, I think when addressing younger children, I don’t think the emphasis in sexism should be that much higher on the treatment of girls, because many boys will not see it as something which concerns them, and continue to take messages about what they should be, which includes being sexist.
Why are most women are so selfish!!! If I open a door for them , they will not open the next door for me. If I buy them a drink, they will not buy me one in return. If I take them out on a date, why can’t they take me out on the next one? I do NOT have issues with Women. I am just pointing out what most guys think and experience but are afraid speak out about. They would rather suffer in silent then bring this up!!! Women talk about being treated unfair when they treat other unfairly. Thus, I have decide not to feel sorry for Women anymore!!! Since ,they continue to encourage and promote gender discrimination!!!
Yesterday my husband attended an agricultural conference and while there his colleague emailed a suggestion that while he was there he could pick up a “hoe” for the weekend and have some fun. My husband thought this was hilarious, not sexist. I disagree. He feels we should just agree to disagree but I feel this speaks to fundamental values about women. Please share your views on this one. I need some support but if you feel I am being another old fashioned feminist which is what I have been called I will let it go. I am often berated for trying to change my husband.
This site is trying to tackle some very subtle ways that language can be used to either reinforce existing negative attitudes or to seed the shift away from them. I appreciate how well written and fair the advice and stories are and find them encouraging and helpful. I will continue to read this site and suggest it to my friends. Thank you.
My boyfriend, who (by the way) has a 21 year old daughter, works for a large corporation that facilitates the hiring of women in executive positions. For a while, whenever he would complain about his bosses or co-workers, he would refer to them as “my girl boss” or “that gal”. Yet, I knew the names of his male bosses and co-workers. I put a stop to that by simply saying, “I don’t like it when you refer to the females at your work in that way. Please start using their names”. He did.
Last night, he was complaining again about the people at work, using their names and sighting his female boss and a male boss as the problems. We’re all people and some are good at what they do and some aren’t. Plenty of people manage to get in positions where they don’t belong. What bothered me was at the end of his complaining about her and her male counterpart’s incompetence he said; “I guess that’s one of the benefits of being female”. After I told him it was inappropriate for him to single out her gender, he said he was just recognizing the company policy. I felt that as a sexist comment and perceived that as him saying the female was hired merely because of company policy. I asked why he didn’t bring up the gender of the incompetent male and asked how he thought this man managed to get hired by the same company and put in the same position. He was defensive.
We are still in discussion about this, and I’d appreciate some help in getting him to understand how that thought process from men makes it difficult for women to be seen as equals whether they are competent or not. It’s those thought processes that will continue to make it difficult for women (including his daughter) to be treated as equals.
What I find so difficult is having worked with men my entire working life. From the United States Army all the way until now where I am the only female field service engineer in my company! The issue I have seen is woman have the tendancy to respect men when addressing them. For example, I was attending a course given by a woman and not once did she single me out for being the only woman nor did she give the course as if I was not there at all. She respected everyone and used words like people. However, I found that when men that are not concious of their sexist behavior give a course where there are few females or addressing a group with women they have to excuse themselves immediately or state “No offense” after they already chose to say an offensive comment. This really makes me uncomfortable, but what makes it worse is my co-workers including a woman supervisor choose to shrug it off. It sucks trying to come up with the right words to say how I felt, but I didn’t and I felt worse not saying something.
If I could go back or this happens again my strategy is to state ” If you are unable to include me or any other woman as part of this group then I should leave until you can”. I think that really sends the message and regardless of how others feel I cannot control that, but people should be treated fairly and be just as respected as other genders, religion, political beliefs, sexual orinetaion, sex and physicaly or mentally impaired individuals in all aspects of life. Great to see a place where people can talk about this issue.