Post Your Ideas for Stopping Sexist Remarks
Here we get to the heart of the matter—stopping sexist remarks. Our goal is to collect and share the positive experiences of women and men from around the country (and maybe the world). We want to create change in how we talk to and about women in our families, neighborhoods, and communities—always keeping our eye on the ultimate goal of ending the use of sexist remarks about women.
Post here your ideas for stopping sexist remarks, including effective strategies for responding to those during everyday conversations, that you think others would find helpful. Be sure to share a bit about the situation in which you found the approach to work.
In mid-October, during the height of the presidential campaign, my boss started sending me and a few colleagues political commentary and humor by email. One day, he forwarded a message with several thumbnail photos of Sarah Palin T-shirts. These included “MILF” (“Mother I’d Like to F**k”), “I wanna be Sarah’s Intern,” “I’m voting for the hero and the hottie,” and “Sarah Palin: Because America Needs a Spanking.”
I was pretty disgusted and irritated by this so-called humor, which aimed to convert Sarah Palin the politician into Sarah the sex object. I thought long and hard about what to do, especially because I had just become aware of the Stop Sexist Remarks website. I have a comfortable rapport with my boss, whom I know is pleased with my job performance, so I had no reason to worry about repercussions. More than that, though, as a woman who cares a lot about politics, it felt imperative to say something. This was my email response to my boss:
“I’m definitely no fan of Sarah Palin and I’m a big fan of political humor about views and behavior (such as the latest SNL skits). But I must object to the attempts at humor that are blatantly sexist and puts her down in a gender-based manner and with references to sex (rather than her views), including T-shirts included in this list (“hottie,” “MILF,” “intern” and “spanking”). I feel it’s very important to be consistent about the attitudes we allow to prevail in the political (and rest of) the world, whether they’re directed to someone we agree with or not (so Hillary, Palin, any other woman politician or, in the realm of racism, homophobia, etc., Obama and others deserve equally respectful treatment).”
To his credit, my boss quickly wrote back and apologized, saying that he agreed with my point, especially after giving the T-shirt list a second look. He also wrote that he hoped he could make up for his mistake by forwarding another piece of political commentary: an essay on Sarah Palin’s positions and record by Eve Ensler (author of the Vagina Monologues). What a relief and positive exchange! I felt good that I didn’t let the whole thing go just because it involved my boss.
Administrator’s note: Congratulations to Nadia for her success in helping her boss to understand the importance of not targeting women with sexist remarks, regardless of whether you agree with the woman’s political positions or beliefs. Her opinion obviously mattered to her boss (for example, she has a good work history and relationship with him), which is an important consideration when deciding whether or how to respond to sexist remarks on the job. Readers should consider their own employment situation carefully before responding to sexist remarks in the workplace.
Hey I just wanted to express my support for what you are doing! I am going to link to this in emails and IM conversations. I’m with you 500%!!!
This isn’t a really amazing example, but one time I had the misfortune of being engaged in “conversation” with a sexist who suggested that women were simply terrible drivers, looking to me for approval. I said, “Sure of course! That’s why men pay higher auto insurance premiums! Makes logical sense.”
With all due respect to your blog, I think you might expand your efforts, or at least make an attempt to diversify them. Facebook group? Youtube account? Sometimes getting hits especially among younger people is what it’s all about! And posting humorous anecdotes or examples to show people how absurd sexism is can be one of the most effective prescriptions.
Good luck in your quest! I’m adding this to my favorites and I’ll be sure to refer more people here.
Hi,
I really like the idea of this blog.
I am on my own personal crusade to rid the world of “like a girl” statements.
“throw like a girl” “run away like a girl” “cry like a little girl” “scream like a girl”
to a group of males to belittle them into performing harder
“com’mon LADIES”
to a male who is complaining “stop being a little *****”
None of these sentences would be tolerated the way they are in our media and playgrounds if you replaced the word “girl” with a race, yet we tolerate them fine because so many in our culture still believes it’s ok to belittle females.
‘Creating change in how we talk’ is something I have been dealing with for a little while now and I do find it quite challenging. One of the most insidious ways that women are undermined in speech is the use of ‘guys’ to mean women and men – which it doesn’t, I’m not a guy, guys don’t breastfeed their young, and a ‘guys night out’ is one that doesn’t include women.
Naomi’s point about if it were a racist term instead of a sexist one is very pertinent here.
At first, I used to challenge by simply saying, ‘I’m not a guy’. The response to this would range from ‘Oh, no, that’s right,’ through, ‘it’s a bad habit,’ to ‘but guys is gender neutral’. No, it’s not, it’s a gender specific term, and when that is applied to both genders then…that’s one of the definitions of sexist language.
Often, I would just be ignored.
It wasn’t until my son said to me, ‘I think you need to stop them and redirect,’ that I got anywhere. He suggested I simply said, ‘I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t address me as ‘you guys’,’ and I have to say, I have had more success with that.
i get a lot of sexist remarks because i am on the wrestling team at school
When someone makes a remark as mentioned above e.g. “he throws like a girl” I tend to look them in the face and say, “You mean really well?” This works most of the time.
Another one I use (on my friends/family) is “You know I’m a feminist, why would I think being called a girl/woman is an insult?”
Withering stares, or raising one eyebrow and maintaining eye contact work quite well at work, esp when someone is being “risque” or out of line.
On a slightly related note, I often promote the use of more women on panels/public meetings at work – the line “because you don’t want people to get the idea that the company is sexist!”. Imagine, eh.
My boss made a comment one day to an male employee…..”Why are you doing that female position. That’s a girlie position.” I was standing with them and they knew I got upset and stormed off. Since when are there female and male positions?
i cant stand it anymore i hear this at my school every week “i can’t fight you because your a girl.” i HATE that so much. It makes me sick just hearing it men should know that women are strong just as much as they are. We changed over the decades we are strong we are powerful men should not be more dominate than us we should be equal my dad told me that”it dosnt matter about your gender its how you use your strength”. hillary cliton said,”human rights are women’s rights and thats once and for ALL.” We shouldnt have to put up with sexism we should fight against it we are just as good as men are we are not weak we are not stupid were definetly not secondary class. we should bond together and make a full internet protest. i have a strong feeling it might work. men will treat us equally we will never again hear women are weak. “women are weak?” really. no i dont think so how come women are in combat then how come women are in wrestling rings, how come women are in boxing? currently we are doing the same jobs so why are some men saying women are the weaker gender. Do not let men put women down any longer this is to all the women “you are storng you are powerful and you will be just as good as any man”.
ADMINISTRATOR’S NOTE: Kate makes a strong plea for challenging sexism (and we assume her reference to fighting is about sports-related activities, such as a physical education department-sponsored boxing or wrestling match). This site is a great place to launch her idea of an “internet protest” against sexism. So add your voice to the protest against sexist remarks and all forms of sexism by making a comment here.
hi every person,
I identified http://www.stopsexistremarks.org after previous months and I’m very excited much to commence participating. I are basically lurking for the last month but figured I would be joining and sign up.
I am from Spain so please forgave my speaking english...