Comments on: Post Your Ideas for Stopping Sexist Remarks

By: lena

lena — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 05:09:29 +0000

i go to a very progressive liberal arts school, known for its strong leftist feminist leanings. and yet, as with the rest of the world, the social structure’s are male dominated. younger girls are treated poorly, and their is a sense of competition for the few men that are not gay. For a girl to be respected and accepted by the cool crowd she has to be more than just a girl, she has to be a chill homegirl, a down chick (or really attractive and even then theirs no guarantee) as if being a woman in itself does not require respect. Some guys i’m friends with have been treating girls badly and making ‘ironic’ sexist jokes, and generally negating female power, so I have been confronting them, telling them that this is not funny to me because regardless of how ironic they believe it to be, the real irony is that they are propigating oppression, by making women the subject of jokes at all. i have been completely alienated and invalidated on all sides, with my male friends telling me that i’m ‘too uptight’ and ‘need to chill’ and my female friends telling me that im wasting my energy and that they see no point in speaking out. i dont like this feeling of invalidation and ostracization. i just really wish i had some validation or better yet, allies.

By: CJS

CJS — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 22:18:11 +0000

My visit to a walk-in clinic doctor who was supposed to give me medical advice on a suspicious mole left me with a feeling I can’t really put to words. After my visit, he asked about my age and what I was studying. I thought he was being polite until I answered criminal justice major and he made a disgusted face and smirked. He then replied, “and then what?” I firmly told him that I was specifically interested in probation and he then had a loss of words and became flustered and muttered under his breath and said “really??? It’s a tough job for woman.” I was completely humiliated and insulted. Not only did he insult my career goal but my gender. Yes, I can see how it would be a “tough” job in the stress sense, but what job isn’t stressful? If he did say it’s a tough job, in general, I think I would agree and say sure I can see that but to question my capabilities as a woman is completely degrading. The worst part of it all was that I felt so defenseless. I wish I stood up for myself and told him that his comments and opinions were uncalled for.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 12:07:11 +0000

My school has many sexist teachers but the thing is there mainly female. Today my teacher told us we were ‘bad’ at cricket so we should Lear from the pros ‘ the boy’s so she addressed them and the experts the entire time. It was so degrading that I cried my eyes out because of it.

By: Kristi

Kristi — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 06:13:44 +0000

I am really happy to have found this web site, but I was hoping to find more concrete examples of “come backs” for sexist remarks. I agree wholeheartedly with how damaging these negative remarks are and how important it is to respond IN THE MOMENT. I believe that the response needs to be funny, and cutting somewhat, if almost sarcastic in order to make the point without appearing to be weak. Unfortunately, those who come across as “complaining” are often perceived to be weak. But to make a cutting, quick response which immediately puts the person who made the sexist remark in their place – that is the goal and will make a huge difference to all those listening. Men often use cutting humor in order to “keep women in their place”; it is important to do the same in return in order to stop these remarks from being so acceptable in our society. I loved the post above about – if someone says “like a girl” – you respond with “you mean really well?”. That is absolutely fantastic, and I know I need more good examples like this so I can be ready with a quick response. I wish I was wittier so I could come up with things on my own faster, but it’s hard. The only example I have to post is that my personal “vendetta” against sexism is around the use of the word ‘girl’. I am a 41 year old woman and I am still called ‘girl’ and ‘young lady’ – many times by people much younger than me. I don’t appreciate this – so I gently correct those who say girl and replace it with ‘woman’. I tell them I stopped being a girl when I turned 13. You certainly don’t go around calling 40 year men boys do we! But I would suggest that the administrators of this site create a new page called ‘comebacks’ or something similar where there is a running list of short responses to common sexist remarks. Thank you for bringing light to such a needed subject!

By: crackgerbal

crackgerbal — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 23:07:32 +0000

Make it socially unacceptable for him to be sexist…ie embarrassing for him. Quite frankly its embarrassing to be on the receiving end of the comments, but when you turn it around on them…they are much less inclined to say something that they know might cause them discomfort (ie pressure you apply).

You can do this by directly confronting the situation. yes…he says something sexist, and you tell him why its sexist and that it is unacceptable, preferably in front of other females! Make that **** sting. Yes he will be mad, but with most *****, you can only gain their respect by being a bigger ******* than them.

My boss made the comment that “i could be the pole queen for a project and that he thought i might like that” There was obviously a direct insinuation to being s stripper there…which i am NOT. I am a structural engineer! far cray from stripper. I was livid! I went to him the next day and sat in his office and told him his comment was unacceptable and that he should have apologized for it immediately. More over, i wouldn’t work for him if he continued that language. I also recorded the conversation. I have worked with this man for 3 years and have never heard so many “im sorry’s and your right’s” out of him in my life!

Administrator’s note: We appreciate this contribution. However, one note for our readers. While each situation is different, in our experience a respectful communication style that focuses on how sexist comments affect us (rather than on the character of the person making the remark) is more likely to help the other person take our point of view seriously. See our entry under “Answering Tough Questions About Sexist Remarks” here for more information. Finally, because of our site policies regarding abusive language, we needed to redact a few words from the above post.

By: Tomarough1i

Tomarough1i — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 13:10:47 +0000

hi every person,

I identified http://www.stopsexistremarks.org after previous months and I’m very excited much to commence participating. I are basically lurking for the last month but figured I would be joining and sign up.

I am from Spain so please forgave my speaking english...

By: KATE

KATE — Mon, 17 May 2010 03:36:43 +0000

i cant stand it anymore i hear this at my school every week “i can’t fight you because your a girl.” i HATE that so much. It makes me sick just hearing it men should know that women are strong just as much as they are. We changed over the decades we are strong we are powerful men should not be more dominate than us we should be equal my dad told me that”it dosnt matter about your gender its how you use your strength”. hillary cliton said,”human rights are women’s rights and thats once and for ALL.” We shouldnt have to put up with sexism we should fight against it we are just as good as men are we are not weak we are not stupid were definetly not secondary class. we should bond together and make a full internet protest. i have a strong feeling it might work. men will treat us equally we will never again hear women are weak. “women are weak?” really. no i dont think so how come women are in combat then how come women are in wrestling rings, how come women are in boxing? currently we are doing the same jobs so why are some men saying women are the weaker gender. Do not let men put women down any longer this is to all the women “you are storng you are powerful and you will be just as good as any man”.

ADMINISTRATOR’S NOTE: Kate makes a strong plea for challenging sexism (and we assume her reference to fighting is about sports-related activities, such as a physical education department-sponsored boxing or wrestling match). This site is a great place to launch her idea of an “internet protest” against sexism. So add your voice to the protest against sexist remarks and all forms of sexism by making a comment here.

By: DK

DK — Mon, 03 May 2010 13:00:01 +0000

My boss made a comment one day to an male employee…..”Why are you doing that female position. That’s a girlie position.” I was standing with them and they knew I got upset and stormed off. Since when are there female and male positions?

By: GQB

GQB — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 13:09:33 +0000

When someone makes a remark as mentioned above e.g. “he throws like a girl” I tend to look them in the face and say, “You mean really well?” This works most of the time.

Another one I use (on my friends/family) is “You know I’m a feminist, why would I think being called a girl/woman is an insult?”

Withering stares, or raising one eyebrow and maintaining eye contact work quite well at work, esp when someone is being “risque” or out of line.

On a slightly related note, I often promote the use of more women on panels/public meetings at work – the line “because you don’t want people to get the idea that the company is sexist!”. Imagine, eh.

By: ann

ann — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 14:09:49 +0000

i get a lot of sexist remarks because i am on the wrestling team at school